Anne of Green Gables was one of my favourite books to read as a child, so I'd like to start my first ever blog post with a quote:
“The world calls them its singers and poets and artists and storytellers; but they are just people who have never forgotten the way to fairyland.” LM Montgomery
I love this quote and despite being someone who describes herself as a singer and an actress I sometimes forget the way to fairyland. The trials of being a "grown up" and making sure you can pay your rent, keep your taxes up to date and feed yourself start to get in the way. I don't even realise that they are getting in the way a lot of the time and it's like I'm sleepwalking through life.
For lots of people a steady routine and a steady income are what they strive for, but I often feel the lure of fairyland nagging at the back of my mind. Nevertheless it feels like I'm often blocked from traveling along the road to fairyland. My fairyland is a place where you can sing, dance, play and discover with other fairies all day every day. There would be no restrictions and nothing to tie you down. Unfortunately, in this world, as I've already mentioned, there are bills to be paid and the gatekeepers to my fairyland seem fierce and immovable. I find myself turning down auditions because I am unable to find somebody to cover my teaching work or struggling to find convenient times to collaborate with others because we're all just trying to pay the rent. But then I think what if I am the only real person or thing who is blocking my road? Maybe I am the person who is putting up these boundaries. If I was braver would I be able to find my way again?
A few months ago I performed my own 20 minute cabaret set and it felt wonderful! I loved being creative, doing re-write after re-write, arranging songs and getting that buzz of not knowing how it would read to the audience, but then knowing as I performed that people were on board. The buzz was soon killed though when I only earnt a pittance and the guy filming didn't have any usable footage for me to even use as promo material. Fairyland has been hijacked by my capitalist mind and the need to survive financially! Something that I loved so much fell flat because in the end it didn't help me pay my rent! This is the kind of thing that makes me stop believing in finding fairyland and want to give in to the current reality, but every time I wonder whether next time I'll be able to get there...
As a child I knew the way to fairyland and even now I find it again occasionally in those moments when I feel free to discover and play. I just hope that with a bit of self belief and maybe some pixie dust, to quote another childhood favourite, I can keep on finding it a little bit more often.
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